I'm back in New Zealand, shaking off the last of the jetlag.
Upon arriving home, I suddenly felt strangely disoriented. The green smell of the yard, the disarmingly bright sunshine, the summer breeze, the small town, the deafening quiet, it was all so charmingly simple, and so drastically different.
After two weeks of wintertime big cities and the hustle/hassle of international travel, the sudden and immediate change was jarring. After three weeks of feeling blissfully, finally, so in context, after surrounding myself with my closest friends and family, after finding myself merging effortlessly back into the urban flow, here it had all changed again and I felt completely upside down.
What I need most now is a reason to be living in Nelson beyond the fact that it's a wonderful place to be. I won't argue against any of its best qualities, and I'm incredibly endeared to this little beach town. But I feel so much like a tree without roots. I need a reason not to feel like I'm floating. I am so clearly not done with the parts of my life -- and the parts of myself -- that I found again in the past few weeks. But I am also not done with Nelson, or New Zealand.
So far, I'm not sure where that leaves me.