Just need to have a bit of a vent, don't mind me. :)
I haven't had room in my head for blog posts lately. I've been pushing myself to meet some impossible arbitrary deadlines in terms of shooting, and nothing is going according to plan. There's too much swirling around inside my head, too many half-thoughts and half-emotions and I've got the attention span of a goldfish. I'm constantly thinking about pictures, constantly trying to work out where this project is going and I feel like in trying to focus, I'm actually losing my focus.
I'm trying to put my head down and get the work done, but maybe I'm just forcing it. All this time, I thought summer was going to be hugely fruitful and though I'm trying to get out there five times a week in the wind and sun and sand, I'm coming up virtually empty-handed. It is hugely frustrating.
Working on the beach has up until recently been a pleasure. Battling the elements is never a fight easily won, and yesterday I spent two hours setting up a scene, only to have a wall of clouds move in and steal my light just as I started making exposures. These sorts of things happen when you're working outside, but the summer season isn't agreeing with me. I'm constantly cursing the heat, the awful position of the sun, the tourists and their squealing children who stare at me incessantly and swim into my shot, and having to lug all my equipment and bags of bits and bobs to a far end of the beach just to find a clear spot. Let's not mention the sand flies.
All of this has an added tinge of sadness in that this is my last summer in New Zealand for the foreseeable future. Summers have been the best part of living here, yet this year, in some ways I'm wishing it away. I would much rather be lounging around on the beach and enjoying it all (and not getting stared at, thanks), but I've only got two months left to finish this project and it feels like that's not nearly enough.
At this point what I need most, besides another bottle of Hawaiian Tropic SPF 45, is some clarity. For this project I'm constantly going over image ideas, researching or hunting down props, and it's very easy for me to overthink what I'm working on at any given point. I need to slow down and get back to letting my intuition guide me. One image at a time, one idea at a time, just sink in and let go.
